Job Interview
A company was looking to hire someone for an important position, so
they interviewed dozens of applicants and narrowed their search down to three
people from different parts of the world.
In an attempt to pick one of them, they decided to give them all the
same question to answer within 24 hours, and the one with the best answer
would
get the job.
The question was:
A man and a woman are in bed, nude. The woman is lying on her side with
her back facing the man, and the man is lying on his side facing the
woman's
back. What is the man's name?
After the 24 hours was up, the three were brought in to give their answers.
The first from Canada, says, "My answer is, there IS no answer."
The second, from New Zealand, says my answer is, that there is no way
to determine the answer with the information we were given."
The third one from Australia says, "I'm not exactly sure, but I have it
narrowed down to two names.
It's either: Willie Turner
or
Willie Nailer."
The Australian got the job.
The next
time you are washing your hands and complain because the water temperature isn't
just how you like it, think about how things used to be.
Here are some facts about the 1500s:
Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May and
still smelled pretty good by June. However, they were starting to smell so
brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor. Hence, the custom
today of carrying a bouquet when getting married.
Baths
consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had the
privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the
women and finally the children-last
of all the babies. By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose
someone in it. Hence the saying, "Don't throw the baby out with the bath
water."
Houses had
thatched roofs-thick straw-piled high, with no wood underneath. It was the only
place for animals to get warm, so all the dogs, cats and other small animals
(mice, bugs) lived in the roof. When it rained it became slippery and sometimes
the animals would slip and fall off the roof. Hence the saying "It's
raining cats and dogs." There was nothing to stop things from falling into
the house. That posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and other
droppings could really mess up your nice clean bed. Hence, a bed with big posts
and a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection. That's how canopy beds
came into existence.
The floor
was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt. Hence the saying
"dirt poor."
The
wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in the winter when wet, so they
spread
thresh (straw) on the floor to help keep their footing. As the winter wore on,
they kept adding more thresh until when you opened the door it would all start
slipping outside. A piece of wood was placed in the entranceway. Hence the
saying a "thresh hold."
In those
old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the
fire. Every day they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They ate mostly
vegetables and did not
get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot
to get cold overnight and then start over the next day. Sometimes the stew had
food in it that had been there
for quite a while. Hence the rhyme, "Peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold,
peas porridge in the pot nine days old."
Sometimes
they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special. When visitors came
over, they would hang up their bacon to show off. It was a sign of wealth that a
man "could bring home the bacon”. "They would cut off a little to
share with guests and would all sit around and chew the fat."
Those with
money had plates made of pewter. Food with high acid content caused some of the
lead to leach onto the food, causing lead poisoning and death. This happened
most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were
considered poisonous. Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the
burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or
"upper crust."
Lead cups were used to drink ale or whisky. The combination would sometimes knock them out for a couple of days. Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up. Hence the custom of holding a "wake."
England is
old and small and the local folks started running out of places to bury people.
So they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a
"bone-house" and reuse the grave. When
reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on
the inside and they realized they had been burying people alive. So they thought
they would tie a string on
the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the ground
and tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night
(the "graveyard shift") to listen for the
bell; thus, someone could be "saved by the bell" or was considered a
"dead ringer."
And that's the truth......
Now , whoever said that History was boring ! ! ! ! Educate someone...
Share
these facts with a friend...
The
following are all replies that women have put on Child Support
Agency forms in the section for listing father's details: These are
genuine excerpts from the forms (names removed)
1. Regarding the identity of the father of my twins, child A was
fathered by [name removed]. I am unsure as to the identity of the
father of child B, but I believe that he was conceived on the same night.
2. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my child as I was
being sick out of a window when taken unexpectedly from behind. I
can provide you with a list of names of men that I think were at the
party if this helps.
3. I do not know the name of the father of my little girl. She was
conceived at a party [address and date given] where I had unprotected sex
with a man I met that night. I do remember that the sex was so good that I
fainted.
If you do manage to track down the father can you send me his phone number?
Thanks.
4. I don't know the identity of the father of my daughter. He drives
a BMW that now has a hole made by my stiletto in one of the door
panels. Perhaps you can contact BMW service stations in this area and
see if he's had it replaced.
5.
I have never had sex with a man. I am awaiting a letter from the
Pope confirming that my son's conception was immaculate and that he
is Christ risen again.
6. I cannot tell you the name of child A's dad as he informs me that
to do so would blow his cover and that would have cataclysmic
implications for the British economy. I am torn between doing right by
you and right by the country. Please advise.
7. I do not know who the father of my child was as all squaddies
look the same to me. I can confirm that he was a Royal Green Jacket.
8. [Name given] is the father of child A. If you do catch up with
him can you ask him what he did with my AC/DC CDs?
9. From the dates it seems that my daughter was conceived at
Euro Disney maybe it really is the Magic Kingdom.
10. So much about that night is a blur. The only thing that I
remember for sure is Delia Smith did a program about eggs earlier in
the evening. If I'd have stayed in and watched more TV rather than going
to
the party at [address given], mine might have remained unfertilized.
11. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my baby, after
all when you eat a tin of beans you can't be sure which one made you fart!
The Coach had put together the perfect team for the Oakland Raiders. The
only thing that was missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the
colleges, and even the high schools, but he couldn't find a quarterback who
could ensure a Super Bowl win.
Then one night, while watching CNN, he saw a war-zone scene in Afghanistan. In
one corner of the background, he spotted a young Afghanistan soldier with a
truly incredible arm. He threw a hand grenade straight into a 3rd-story window
200 yards away, ka-boom! He threw another hand grenade into a group of 10
soldiers 100 yards away, ka-blooey! Then a car passed, going 90 mph, bulls-eye!
"I've got to get this guy!" Coach said to himself. "He has the
perfect arm!" So, he brings him to the States and teaches him the great
game of football, and the Raiders go on to win the Super Bowl.
The young Afghani is hailed as the Great Hero of football, and when Coach asks
him what he wants, all the young man wants to do is to call his Mother.
"Mom," he says into the phone, "I just won the Super Bowl!"
"I don't want to talk to you," the old woman says. "You deserted
us. You are not my son."
"I don't think you understand, Mother!" the young man pleads. "I
just won the greatest sporting event in America. I'm here among thousands of my
adoring fans."
"No, let me tell you," his mother retorts. "At this very moment,
there are gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two
brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and this week your
sister was raped in broad daylight." The old lady pauses, and then
tearfully says "I'll never forgive you for making us move to Oakland."
Due to increasing products liability litigation, Canadian beer Brewers have
accepted Health Canada's suggestion that the following warnings labels
immediately be placed on all beer containers:
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell
happened to your bra.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering
when you are not.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a
retard.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over
and over again that you love them.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers
are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically
converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical
Kung Fu powers, resulting in you getting your ass kicked.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the
morning and see something really scary.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug
burns on the forehead.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are
tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people. Ten Feet Tall
and Bullet Proof!!
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are
invisible.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are
laughing WITH you.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause a disturbance in the
time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may
seem to literally disappear.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may actually CAUSE pregnancy.
A guy goes to his doctor and says, "Doc, I have a
problem. My
girlfriend is sleeping over this Friday, my ex-wife is sleeping over
this Saturday, and my wife is coming home Sunday. I need three
Viagra pills to satisfy them all."
The doctor says, "You know, three Viagra pills three nights in a
row is pretty dangerous for any man. I will give them to you on the
condition that you return to my office on Monday so that I can check
you out."
The man says, "You have a deal Doc!"
Monday morning the man returns with his arm in a sling.
The doctor says, "What happened?!"
The man answers, "Nobody showed up!!"