Wow

Wow, finally someone with a plan!
Robin Williams, wearing a shirt that says "I love New York" in Arabic.

You gotta love Robin Williams......
Even if he's nuts! Leave it to Robin Williams to come up with the perfect
Plan. What we need now is for our UN Ambassador to stand up and Repeat this message.

Robin Williams's plan...(Hard to argue with this logic!)

"I see a lot of people yelling for peace,
But I have not heard of a plan for Peace.

So, here's one plan.

1) "The US will apologize to the world for our 'interference' in their
affairs, past & present. You know: Hitler, Mussolini, Stalin, Tojo,
Noriega, Milosevic, Hussein, and the rest of those 'good ole boys;' we
will never 'interfere' again.

2) "We will withdraw our troops from all over the world, starting with
Germany , South Korea , the Middle East, and the Philippines They don't
want us there. We would station troops at our borders. No one allowed
sneaking through holes in the fence.

3) "All illegal aliens have 90 days to get their affairs together and
leave. We'll give them a free trip home. After 90 days, the remainder will
be gathered up and deported immediately, regardless of who or where they
are. They're illegal!!! France will welcome them.

4) "All future visitors will be thoroughly checked and limited to 90 days
unless given a special permit!!!! No one from a terrorist nation will be
allowed in. If you don't like it there, change it yourself and don't hide
here. Asylum would never be available to anyone. We don't need any more
cab drivers or 7-11 cashiers.

5) "No foreign 'students' over age 21. The older ones are the bombers. If
they don't attend classes, they get a D, and it's back home, baby.

6) "The US will make a strong effort to become self-sufficient
energy-wise. This will include developing nonpolluting sources of energy,
but will require temporary drilling for oil in the Alaska wilderness. The
caribou will have to cope for a while.

7) "Offer Saudi Arabia and other oil-producing countries $10 a barrel for
their oil. If they don't like it, we go someplace else. They can go
somewhere else to sell their production. (About a week of the wells
filling up the storage sites would be enough.)

8) "If there is a famine or other natural catastrophe in the world, we
will not 'interfere.' They can pray to Allah, or whomever, for seeds,
rain, cement, or whatever they need. Besides, most of what we give them is
stolen or given to the army. The people who need it most get very little,
if anything.

9) "Ship the UN Headquarters to an isolated island someplace. We don't
need the spies and fair-weather friends here. Besides, the building would
make a good homeless shelter or lockup for illegal aliens.

10) "All Americans must go to charm and beauty school. That way, no one
can call us 'Ugly Americans' any longer. The language we speak is
ENGLISH...learn it...or LEAVE."

"Now, isn't that a winner of a plan?"

"The Statue of Liberty is no longer
Saying, 'Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses.'
She's got a baseball bat, and she's yelling, 'You want a piece of me?' "

A blind man enters a Ladies Bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar
stool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while, he yells to
the bartender,
"Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bar immediately falls
absolutely quiet.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,
"Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is just fair - giving that
you are blind that you should know five things:
1 - The bartender is a blonde girl.
2- The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3- I'm a 6 feet tall, 220 lb. blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4- The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional weightlifter.
5- The lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler.
Now think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"
The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and declares,
"Nah. Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.

"A Happy Man"
I was a very happy person. My wonderful girlfriend
and I had been together for over a year, and so
we decided to get married. There was only one
thing bothering me...it was her beautiful younger
sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-
two, wore very tight mini skirts, and generally
was bra-less. She would regularly bend down
when she was near me, and I always got more
than a pleasant view.
One day "little sister" called and asked me to
come over to check the wedding invitations. She
was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to
me that she had feelings and desires for me that
she couldn't overcome. She told me that she
wanted to make love to me just once before I go
married and committed my life to her sister. Well,
I was in total shock and couldn't say a word. She said,

"I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if
you want one last wild fling, just come up."
I was stunned and frozen in shock, as I watched
her go up the stairs. I stood there for a moment,
and then turned and made a beeline straight to the
front door, I opened the door, and headed
straight toward my car.
Lo and behold, my entire future family was
standing outside, all clapping! With tears in
his eyes, my father in-law hugged me and said,
"We are very happy that you have passed our
little test.... we couldn't ask for a better man for
our daughter. Welcome to the family."
And the moral of this story is . . .
Always keep your condoms in your car.

A Republican in a wheelchair entered a restaurant one afternoon and asked the waitress for a cup of coffee. The Republican looked across the restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus sitting over there?" The waitress nodded "yes," so the Republican requested that she give Jesus a cup of coffee on him.

The next patron to come in was a Libertarian with a hunched back. He shuffled over to a booth, painfully sat down, and asked the waitress for a cup of hot tea. He also glanced across the restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus over there?" The waitress nodded,
so the Libertarian asked her to give Jesus a cup of hot tea, "My treat."

The third patron to come into the restaurant was a Democrat on crutches. He hobbled over to a booth, sat down and hollered, "Hey there, honey! How's about gettin' me a cold glass of Miller Light!" He, too, looked across the restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus over
there?" The waitress once more nodded, so the Democrat directed her to give Jesus a cold glass of beer. "On my bill," he said.

As Jesus got up to leave, he passed by the Republican, touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed." The Republican felt the strength come back into his legs, got up, and danced a jig out the door.

Jesus also passed by the Libertarian, touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed." The Libertarian felt his back straightening up, and he raised his hands, praised the Lord and did a series of back flips out the door.

Then Jesus walked towards the Democrat. The Democrat jumped up and yelled, "Don't touch me. I'm collecting disability!"

Everyone seems to be wondering why Muslim terrorists are so quick to commit suicide.

· Constant wailing from the guy next-door because he's sick and there are no doctors.

· You can't shower to wash off the smell of donkey cooked over burning camel dung.

There's an Englishman, Irishman & a Scotsman all talking about their
teenage daughters.
The Englishman says "I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day & I found a packet of cigarettes. I was really shocked as I didn't even
know she smokes".
The Scotsman says, "That's nothing. I was cleaning my daughter's room
the other day when I came across a half full bottle of Vodka. I was
really shocked as I didn't even know she drank."
With that the Irishman says "Both of you have got nothing to worry
about. I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day when I found packet of condoms. I was really shocked. I didn't even know she had a willy."

A British company is developing computer chips that store music in
women's breast implants. This is a major breakthrough. Women are
always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them...

1. 5% of women surveyed feel their ass is too big.
2. 10% of women surveyed feel their ass is too small.
3. The remaining 85% say they don't care; they love him; he's a good man
And they would have married him anyway.

A man scanned the guests at a party and spotted an
attractive woman standing alone. He approached her and asked her name.
"My name is Carmen," she told him.
That's a beautiful name," he said. "Is it a family name?"
"No," she replied. "I gave it to myself. It reflects
the things I like most cars and men."
"What's your name?" she asked.
"Beertits," he said.

One of Florida's finest senior citizens went down to his local Chevrolet dealer and bought a brand new Corvette convertible. Heading off the car lot and down the road, he floored it and enjoyed the wind blowing through what little hair he had left on his head. This is great," he thought as he roared down I-75.

Then he looked in his rear view mirror and saw a Florida State Highway Patrol Trooper behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring. "I can get away from him with no problem" thought the man as he stood on the gas pedal -- 80, 120, 150, 180 mph.

Then, he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this kind of thing." He pulled over to the side of the Interstate and waited for the trooper to catch up with him.

The trooper pulled in behind the Corvette and walked up to the Corvette. Sir," he said, looking at his watch. "My shift ends in 30 minutes and today is Friday. If you can give me a reason why you were speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."

The man looked at the trooper and said: "Fifteen years ago, my wife ran off with a Florida State Trooper, and I thought you were bringing her back."

"Have a good day, Sir!

There has been a robbery earlier today at Everton’s Goodison Park stadium, two robbers got in and stole the entire contents of the trophy room. The police are looking for two men with a big blue carpet.

A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was:
"Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"
The survey was a huge failure,

In Africa they didn't know what 'food' meant,

In India they didn't know what 'honest' meant,

In Europe they didn't know what 'shortage' meant,

In China they didn't know what 'opinion' meant,

In the Middle East they didn't know what 'solution' meant,

In South America they didn't know what 'please' meant,

And in the USA they didn't know there was a 'the rest of the world'